...i am a princess on the way to my throne...


The Shire Review 

Welcome, fair journalers, welcome! I can see you are surprised
to find me here instead of the normal fare, but I assure you everything is decent and in order. The young Stacey finally has her air conditioner back in top working order and is currently camped out, face down, in front of a vent in a state of ice-cold bliss. She implored me to take over her entry for today, and I most willingly accepted. It will no doubt be a daunting task, but I'm sure we are up to it.

I have brought with me today some of the panelists from The Shire Review, a column of significant proportion in the embryonic stages of its first season. It is there that we are given a topic to review and each panelist share our thoughts and opinions on said subject. Each panel consists of different members, and today I have brought with me some of our finest.

Panelists, would you be so good to introduce yourselves?

Good day to you all. I am Aragorn, and it is my honor to be here this afternoon.

Hi, everyone! My name is Arwen, and I'm with Aragorn. I don't leave home anywhere without him. He is the most stunning, amazing, handsome, dreamy, loyal, faithful...

:::clears throat:::

Hmm? What? Oh, I'm so sorry...what was the question?

Moving right along...

I am Haldir, Elf-Extraordinaire. I would like to say I'm happy to be here, but I don't exactly know *why* I am here
except I got a call from Shire Review telling me I had to come into work today. So...why is it, exactly, that I'm here on my only day off?

Because Stacey has been so good to you by giving you such free publicity during the Secret Stitchers round, and she actually defends your position that Peter Jackson was an absolute flake for even thinking about having you at Helm's Deep, for if he had stuck with the book you would not have died and, ergo, would not have cut considerably into your scenework. Does that reason ring a bell?

Hmph. :::sniffs::: Well, since you put it *that* way...

C'mon, Haldir, stop being so selfish. We are helping someone who needs it and you know it. I realize this is
difficult for you to comprehend, but please try not to be so irritating.

Phah. Get off my back, you half-baked, horse-balancing hero...

Grow up, you overstuffed, overblown Enya boy...

:::le sigh ::: Here we go again...

Alright, alRIGHT, boys! This is not a turkish bazzar! Can we please maintain some decorum? This is not our home, we are guests here and we must behave accordingly. What do think the Fully Caffeinated readers are going to say about this if we come in here and make a mess?

Oh...fine. Legolas, I fogive you your absolute mental brutality.

And I forgive your endless whining ways.

Good. Now...on to the topic at hand! ::: pulls a scrap of paper out of his hat, puts on glasses, and reads it ::: Today's topic for review is: Politicians!

:::groans and applause from the panel:::


Politics??? Oh ew!

Bring it on.

This could be interesting...

Okay, here we go! Politicians! For some countries this is an election year, and passions surrouding politicians stirs very hot. Are politicians really necessary? Do they serve a purpose? Do they really have the good of their country in mind, or are they all money-grubbing, over-zealous power hungry mongrels? Aragorn, we will start with you.

Those are some interesting questions, Gandalf. I think there are those who are, indeed, leeches, bent of sucking the blood out of every live body they come across, but I do believe there are those who have honest hearts and who truly want to help their constituents thrive in the best possible political environment.

Interesting. Arwen?

Ew, as if I know! None of them look good anyway, so I really don't care.

Haldir, would you care to comment?

They're all money-grubbing, over-zealous power hungry mongrels with a deplorable lack of taste in clothes. What's that one guy, the one everyone is saying got partly elected to his seat because of his 'great hair'? Puh-leaze. Somewhere a mangy cat is walking around bald and shivering.

Do you have anything to add, Legolas?

I do. As usual, Haldir is over-simplifying. To villify all politicians is to take the easy way out, revealing a mind that refuses to think fairly. Besides, that senator you are referring to doesn't wear a toupee'. That happens to be his real hair...

It does? Well, that's even grosser.

That is real typical of you, Haldir. I happen to agree with Aragorn on this; there are good and evil in every profession, and politics is no different. I choose to believe the good in everyone surfaces eventually...

Oh sure, take the *king's* side, you butt-kissing, brown-nosing...

You snobby, arrogant, jaded, pompus...

Aragorn, I'm bored...

I think it's time for the final analysis for our final question: Are politicians good or evil?

Depends on the politician.

Ew. So tedious.

Spawns of Satan.

Hearts of gold.

Well! There you have it! That concludes another episode of The Shire Review! Thank you all for joining us today, and tune in tomorrow as Stacey resumes her regular scheduel with her newly minted "Tales From The Freezer", courtesy of Mr. Monosyllabic.
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