I am blogging against my better judgment for I have had not drop one of any coffee, which means I am operating on partial brain capacity and numbed perspective. That said, I do not claim full responsibility for what I say whilst under the influence of a non-caffeinated mind.

I told myself I would not use this blog as a toxic dumping ground for self-pity or negativity, mainly for two reasons:

1) It's not healthy

and

2) No body wants to read my whining anyway.


I won't go into excrutiating detail, but I will, however, say this: despite the common acceptance that's it is alright to poke fun at the 'crazy Christians' around this time of year, I will stand fast. I am a Christian, and I am not ashamed. I will continue to love people, and pray for people, and make people angry with my "proselytizing", something which I do everyday by my very actions. I do not set out to offend, but I will not stop saying the word "Jesus" or "salvation" because there are some who feel religion should be private and not "preached".

I love the online community I participate in. I now have some very dear friendships with women that have become an intergal part of my life, and I cherish that. Before participating in any online discussion, I weigh my words very carefully and try to choose wisely (that does not always happen, but it's not for lack of trying). Please understand: I love people because I love Jesus. If it wasn't for Him I'd be a total slug. I want people to know Him the way I know Him. I try so hard to be kind and loving with others, because I may be the only Jesus some people ever see. There are times, however, when I feel so alienated because of Whom I worship that I wonder if daily participation is worth it. I should be beyond the hurt of some thoughtless comments I've seen tossed about with nary a thought about "those Christians", but, alas, I'm not. It hurts. That, however, is my failing and something I need to deal with.

I suppose, however, it wouldn't hurt so bad if it didn't come from people I've been around for such a long time. I know I am taking things personally, but considering I'm one of the most conservative (if not the most conservative) Christians on the board it's hard not to be a little affected. I honestly don't think people are setting out to be mean, but it still ouches.

Not your normal Fully Caffeinated fare, I realize, but what is the good of this blog if I can't remain real? It's better than disappearing in a hole somewhere, never to be seen again. I really don't want to do that, and I don't want to clutter the boards with a bunch of "no, that's not true" or "no, it's really this way" kind of jargon. Sometimes, the greatest strength in a person comes from them knowing when to talk and when to be quiet. Trust me, I'm quiet far more than I want to be, but it's necessary. You can't give someone meat when they are still on milk, for you will choke them to death and no purpose will be served for either of you.

I'll get over this. I always do. I'm affected by far more than I ever let on, because I don't cause a scene, or at least I try not to. Maybe I should try to diva approach, and stomp and snort and scream about how unfair and intolerant everyone is being, but that's just not my style. Sooo, I will continue to be the same as I have been, with a lot more prayer for improvement in the sensitive department and understanding that if it walks like a duck, sounds like a duck, and quacks like a duck it's probably not an elephant.

In other words: take everything that is said with a grain of salt, smile, and just hang on to Jesus.

Sounds like a plan.:)

La Mood:disappointed
|