...i am a princess on the way to my throne...


"Don't Look, Ethel, That Possum's Hungry!" 

I have developed a very mild case of arthritis in my right hand, and, big baby that I am, it's making me a total crank. It's concentrated in the knuckle area of my ring finger, and every time I move it I find myself wincing. Fortunately I'm still able to stitch (Thank God!) but daily chores are becoming more and more of an Ouch-fest. The reasonable side of me knows it could be a lot worse, and for that I am thankful. The irrational side of me boo-hoos and blubbers and wants to chew vicodin like baby aspirin for the pain. I have yet to go the latter route, but it's tempting all the same.

It's probably not even a good idea for me to be blogging, being in the scroogey mood that I am, for I'm normally pretty sweetness and light. Today, however, I'm more akin to sourness and shadow.

Urg. Me no likey days like this.

Moving on to the news of the day, I have just gotten wind of the Kirstie Alley story that's circulation the wires. In case you haven't heard, Miz Alley keeps a pet possum that she has no problem asking lactating women to breast feed when the poor dear is hungry.

May I elaborate:

Don't Play Possum With Us

November 2, 2004 -- KIRSTIE Alley once had her publicist wet-nurse her baby possum, according to the December issue of Vanity Fair. Frank DiGiacomo, a former editor of this page, talked to nearly everyone who has worked on PAGE SIX in its 28 years to compile an oral history of "the premier brand name for postmodern gossip." But the possum story, told by another former editor, Joanna Molloy, is hard to top. "I got a call one day from somebody out in L.A. who said, 'You're never going to believe this, but I was at an event where Kirstie Alley brought her baby pet possum, and she was walking around with this thing, and all of a sudden it starts to go squeak, squeak, squeak. And Kirstie Alley goes, 'Oooh, ooh, baby, baby. Mommy's here.' And she turned to a publicist and said, 'Say, aren't you nursing a baby right now?' " The publicist, afraid of the possum's teeth, ended up expressing her breast milk into a bottle, which Alley then fed to the animal. Molloy recalls, "And I called up the woman herself — I was like, OK, they're going to laugh me off both coasts, but no story is too crazy to check — and she said, 'The answer is yes. I did it and, you know what, I'm proud of it.' "

Okay, can someone tell me who's the sicker freak here? Is it Kirstie Alley, for actually suggesting someone breast feed her hungry possum, or is it her publicist for actually expressing breast milk and being "proud" to do it?? I mean, whatever happened to Ritz crackers, for the love of pete? Can anyone in their right minds actually say that Hollywood "gets" us, the little people, and that we can actually "relate" to Hollywood?

Yeesh, man. What are we coming to?

Now, I posted a link about this on the JPC Heated Debates forum, but as of this writing I purposely have not read the responses. That is due mainly to the fact that I wanted this entry to be completely objective and, truth be told, free to say what I really felt without worrying who I would offend. It's stories like this that convince me that there are indeed many Hollywood elites that A)really think their feces don't stink or B)have gone stark raving crazy due to all the weird rays emanating off the mother ship. I am finding the above account, as bizarre as it is, becoming more the "norm" for Hollywood, and that anyone who has a clue that this kind of behavior is off the cuff is seen as "those nutty religious freaks that want to keep the creative down!"

Sister, let me just say this: if calling someone on the carpet for seriously requesting her employee to breast feed her pet possum and said employee for actually considering it is being a nutty religious freak, then there are an awful lot of atheists who recognize this kind of asinine behavior as nothing short of bizarre scratching their heads in wonder.

Insert Big Breath Here.

Now...what really scares me more than all of this is that there are people out there that will find absolutely nothing wrong with all of this. After all, don't humans drink animal milk? Aren't humans just animals, albeit at the top of the food chain? What's the big deal? The little animal was hungry, we have to take care of the animals, they are people too, oh no! wait a minute! no their not, they are better than people because they don't fight and make war and vote for George W. Bush! The publicize did the only true and honorable thing by providing nourishment for the starving creature, and anyone who says otherwise is mean and nasty and evil, and just plain unenlightened. After all, who are we to judge???

All I can say to that is more power to you. If you really don't know why Kirstie Alley seeking breast fed human nourishment for a marsupial is not okay, and why a woman should not really be proud in complying, then nothing I say will convince you otherwise.

PETA would be proud. And that, in itself, is a terrifying thing.

La Mood:contemplative
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